Doing diddly squat

In life, it is very important to know one’s limitations. For example, several years ago, I was teaching at a school with a teacher from Seattle. One day in the staff room, she confessed to me, “You know what, As long as I live, I am never going to know how to spell the word jewellery.”

She admitted it and she admitted that the situation was hopeless and I thought that was great.

By the way, it’s:

England and others: Jewellery

The United States: Jewelry

I think it was the “l” that was messing her up.

I always think of her when I repeatedly have to spell check the same word over and over or when I have to admit that some task is beyond my limitations.

Several years ago, I decided that push-ups were beyond my skill set.  I just removed push-ups from any exercise program I got involved in. They’re painful and they make me sad. Also, women like me, who can still fit into their training bra, don’t need to worsen the situation by doing push-ups. Let me just hang on to the little bit of dignity I have.

I dropped push-ups by the exercise road side and moved on.

Last week, I went looking all over the web for free downloadable workouts. All the workouts I found were all only 10 minutes or cost more than .99 cents.

Eventually I gave up looking and designed my own original work out called the “Tribute to cheapness” workout, now available on DVD at my house.

About 30 minutes before I started doing this, a very well-meaning young man, my nephew, suggested that I add some squats with weights to my workout.

Squat type 1

Squat type 2

For some strange reason, I listened to him and completely disregarded the fact that I’ve always despised squats. I thought, “Well, if you put squats in your workout, it would be really mature and professional and you can be like all the cool people who do squats when they work out.”

I added type 2 squats minus weights to my workout. How could I have known that I’d spend the next 6 days in bed?

The very next day I was walking around in pain and have been in pain and unable to do any more exercise all week. So, this is what I decided a few days ago and it’s a vow.

I am never doing another squat as long as I live unless someone pays me 1 million dollars.

That is my price.

Some cheeky person reading this is probably wondering, “Well, Carol, would you do a squat for $500,000? I would not.

Another Cheeky reader is wondering, “Would you do a squat for $750,000?” I would not.

Finally Cheeky reader #3 is wondering, “Would you do a squat for $850,000?”

My answer to that is, “Do I need to walk anywhere that week?”

If I don’t have to walk or get out of bed or I’m on vacation the day after the $850,000 check clears, I would be willing to consider, only consider doing another squat.

Other than that, I don’t ever want to see a squat again as long as I live. I am content with this. I’ve made peace with it. There are other exercises that I like.

God’s gift to me is the sit-up. For some reason, I can do sit-ups all day long; even 300 at a time.

This is fine. As for strengthening my legs, when I want to strengthen my legs, I’ll just kick that nice young man who made me do squats. I’ve been cursing him all week.

This article was originally published on October 11th, 2010.

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